I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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