I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
