i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
