Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
