Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
