Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
