Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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