The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
