dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
