YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
