I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
