I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
