I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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