dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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