is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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