The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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