saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
