I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
