I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
