i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
