Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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