He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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