My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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