Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
