I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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