Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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