I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We just shotgunned beers for America
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
