In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
