you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
