The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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