Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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