you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
