Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
