It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
