I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
