Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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