Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My bed smells like the plague
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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