bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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