she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
