ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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