I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
