Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
