I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
