You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
