you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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