hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
