i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
