True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
