just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
