Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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