white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
